The Contemporary: The Great Disney Bathroom Challenge
Well...
These bathrooms were a disappointment.
There are five public bathrooms at Disney's Contemporary Resort.
And somehow...
Three of them are truly terrible.
Not "Disney terrible."
Just plain terrible.
Picking the worst one was surprisingly difficult.
Each one kept whispering, "No, no... I'm the bigger disappointment."
But after much staring, debating, and probably overthinking bathrooms more than any reasonable person should...
I finally settled on my rankings.
And yes.
I stand by every single one.
I'll admit it.
This was one of the hardest bathroom blogs I've written.
The Polynesian bathrooms were full of tropical charm.
The Grand Floridian bathrooms felt elegant and whimsical.
Whether you loved them or not, they belonged exactly where they were.
You walked in and instantly knew the story Disney was trying to tell.
The bathrooms became part of the resort.
The Contemporary?
Not so much.
Or, as my family lovingly calls it...
The Toaster.
This resort is supposed to celebrate the future.
Clean lines.
Bold ideas.
Innovation.
Even many of the guest rooms are themed to The Incredibles.
So I expected bathrooms that looked sleek.
Modern.
Maybe even a little daring.
Instead...
I got bathrooms with no personality.
When I showed my youngest the photos, they looked at me and said,
"These are from a dying mall, right?"
Honestly...
That might be the most accurate bathroom review ever spoken.
So grab your FastPass (I’m that old) to disappointment.
We're about to tour five bathrooms that could be almost anywhere.
And that's exactly the problem.
Bathroom #5: Third Floor by the Monorail #65
Congratulations.
You are officially the worst bathroom at Disney's Contemporary Resort.
And I genuinely don't understand how.
That's what frustrates me the most.
This bathroom has potential.
Little flashes of it peek through.
The toilet stalls have a clever design.
I like the contrasting colors.
The toilets are manual.
It's fairly clean.
It's large.
And...
That's where my list of compliments ends.
This is the busiest bathroom in the Contemporary.
You're on the Grand Canyon Concourse.
There are shops.
Restaurants.
A bar.
The walkway to Bay Lake Tower.
The monorail.
Thousands of people pass through here every day.
For many guests, this is one of their very first impressions of the resort.
That's a lot of pressure for one bathroom.
And this bathroom folds like a cheap lawn chair.
This review is a little personal for me.
I love the Contemporary.
My family stayed here when I was growing up.
Walking through those doors still feels familiar.
It feels like coming home.
So when I walk into this bathroom...
I'm embarrassed for it.
Disney can do so much better than this.
The first thing you notice is the heat.
Not Florida heat.
Bathroom heat.
The kind of stuffy air that makes you wonder if the air conditioner quietly retired sometime around 1998.
And it's always like this.
Summer.
Winter.
Doesn't matter.
It's hot.
For anyone with anxiety, this isn't a relaxing place to take a break.
It's crowded.
It's loud.
It's stuffy.
It practically hands you stress the moment you walk in.
Then there's the layout.
There are random empty spaces that feel unfinished.
I imagine an Imagineering meeting that went something like this:
"What should we put here?"
"I don't know."
"Perfect. Let's leave it empty."
Every visit, something seems to be broken.
This time it was multiple sinks.
In a bathroom this busy, that's a huge problem.
Women were shuffling back and forth, trying to claim the next available sink like it was the last lifeboat on the Titanic.
Then, when you finally found one...
The water barely came out.
I tested every sink.
Each one produced the world's saddest little trickle.
A few other women started laughing about the water pressure.
I handed one of them a squirt of hand sanitizer.
Sometimes you just have to improvise.
Final Verdict
This bathroom earns a D.
Not because it's beyond saving.
Because it should be so much better.
The location deserves better.
The resort deserves better.
And honestly...
The guests deserve better.
If you need a bathroom at the Contemporary, keep walking.
Head down to the first or second floor.
That's where the good bathrooms are hiding.
Bathroom #4: Bay Lake Tower (DVC) #66
This is the newest public bathroom at the Contemporary.
And somehow...
It feels like it was built a hundred years ago.
It is one men's single stall.
One women's single stall.
That's it.
No color.
No personality.
No fun little Disney details.
No futuristic touches.
No magic.
It is the definition of...
"A bathroom."
Not a Disney bathroom.
Just...
a bathroom.
It feels a little icky.
It's always warm.
It usually has that mysterious bathroom smell that no amount of air freshener seems capable of defeating.
It was clean-ish during my visit.
But "clean-ish" isn't exactly the glowing review Disney usually inspires.
Now, I do owe this bathroom an apology.
Because it has rescued me more than once.
If you've ever made the long walk from Magic Kingdom back to Bay Lake Tower...
You know.
There comes a point where you're no longer walking.
You're speed-waddling.
Praying.
Negotiating with your bladder.
This bathroom has been my finish line more than once.
I've rounded that corner thinking,
"Please let the door be unlocked."
Because here's the catch.
There is only one women's stall.
One.
So every visit feels like a gamble.
Will it be empty?
Will someone be inside?
Will I have to start making backup plans?
I will admit something that probably isn't in the Disney rulebook.
I've used the men's room.
Before you clutch your pearls...
It's a single-stall bathroom.
The men's room is exactly the same as the women's room.
And when a girl's gotta go...
A girl's gotta go.
So yes.
I appreciate this bathroom.
It has absolutely saved the day.
But gratitude doesn't magically make it interesting.
Final Verdict
This bathroom earns a D.
Not because it failed its job.
It absolutely did its job.
It just has the personality of a beige filing cabinet.
For the newest bathroom at the Contemporary...
I expected a glimpse of the future.
Instead...
I got an emergency pit stop with commitment issues.
Bathroom #3: Outside by the Sand Bar #67
This bathroom made me a little sad.
Not because it's terrible.
Because I remember when it wasn't.
When I was growing up, my dad and I had a tradition.
We'd stop at the Sand Bar for piña coladas.
A regular one for him.
A virgin one for me.
I thought I was incredibly fancy.
Then, like clockwork...
I'd have to use the bathroom.
So this became my pool bathroom.
Back then, I remember it feeling bright.
Happy.
It smelled like sunscreen instead of... well... bathroom.
It fit the vacation vibe perfectly.
Fast forward many, many years.
The bar is still there.
The bathroom is still there.
But somewhere along the way...
The magic checked out.
Now it feels tired.
A little forgotten.
It has that unmistakable bathroom smell.
Not horrible.
Just enough to make you think,
"I'll wash my hands and be on my way."
There is a shower inside.
Unfortunately...
I wouldn't use it.
It's simply not clean enough for my standards.
One thing I do genuinely love is the blue accent walls.
They're covered in a wave pattern that gives the room a tiny splash of personality.
They're beautiful.
The cream and brown tile works nicely with them, too.
For a moment, you can almost imagine what this bathroom could have been.
But then...
The rest of the room reminds you you're just standing in an aging pool restroom.
Nothing says vacation.
Nothing says Contemporary.
Nothing says fun.
It was clean during my visit.
The air conditioning was trying its best.
Just like the other Contemporary bathrooms, it gets the job done.
It simply doesn't give you anything to remember.
Final Verdict
This bathroom earns a C-.
Those blue wave walls deserve some applause.
They're doing almost all the heavy lifting.
I'd love to see Disney give this bathroom the makeover it deserves.
Because somewhere under the faded tiles and tired air...
I can still see the bathroom I remember from all those summers with my dad.
Bathroom #2: Downstairs by Steakhouse 71 #68
This bathroom smells amazing.
No.
I'm not being sarcastic.
It genuinely smells incredible.
Like a fresh spring morning.
Or laundry that just came off the clothesline.
Or whatever magic Disney has bottled up in the air vents.
I don't know how they do it.
I just know that every single time I walk in...
It smells wonderful.
Disney, if you're listening...
I'd buy this as a candle.
Immediately.
This bathroom also has mirrors everywhere.
It's glorious.
No awkward sink dance.
No politely pretending you're not waiting for someone to move over six inches.
There's room for everyone.
And then...
My favorite little surprise.
There is a real orchid.
Just sitting in a pot by the mirrors.
No, it's not growing out of the floor like some futuristic plant experiment.
It's just... there.
Quietly being beautiful.
And every time I see it, it makes me smile.
It's such a tiny detail.
But tiny details are what make Disney feel like Disney.
This bathroom is almost always spotless.
Which is impressive because it gets a lot of traffic.
It's the bathroom for the lobby.
For Steakhouse 71.
For everyone wandering through the Contemporary.
Somehow it always feels cared for.
The toilet paper is folded into little triangles.
Fancy.
I've been here as early as 7:15 in the morning while waiting for breakfast.
The toilets were freshly scrubbed.
Everything looked ready for the day.
And I have to mention the Cast Member.
She's wonderful.
Every visit she greets guests with a cheerful "Good morning!" and wishes everyone a magical day.
She's one of those people who quietly makes Disney feel special.
Now...
You're probably wondering something.
"Maggie... this bathroom smells amazing."
"It's spotless."
"It has manual flushers."
"It has an orchid."
"So why isn't it number one?"
Excellent question.
Because it has a few glitches.
The accessible stall door is incredibly heavy.
You have to pull it outward, and it's surprisingly awkward.
G and I both struggled with it.
It didn't feel very accessible at all.
Then there was the feminine products machine.
It had been left unlocked, and my youngest accidentally brushed against it and got scratched on the arm.
Nothing serious.
But it never should have happened.
And finally...
As much as I love this bathroom...
It could be anywhere.
A nice hotel.
An airport lounge.
A convention center.
Everything matches.
Everything is pleasant.
But nothing says...
Contemporary.
Where's the futuristic design?
The bold architecture?
The sense that you're standing inside one of Disney's most iconic resorts?
It's missing that little spark.
Final Verdict
This bathroom earns a B+.
It's my favorite bathroom at the Contemporary.
Yes...
Even though I ranked it second.
Because the number one bathroom has a few fun details that push it over the finish line.
But this one?
I'll happily keep visiting.
Mostly for the orchid.
And maybe to figure out what air freshener Disney is hiding in there.
Bathroom #1: Ballroom Level#69
Well...
I did not see this one coming.
The Contemporary is my childhood hotel.
When I close my eyes, I can still picture the arcade on the first floor.
I can hear the sounds.
I can remember running through the lobby.
This resort is stitched into so many parts of my life.
I stayed here as a kid.
I brought my own kids here.
Now I come back as an empty nester.
I thought I knew every hallway.
Every shop.
Every hidden corner.
Apparently...
I did not.
Because I have absolutely no memory of this bathroom.
Did it magically appear one Tuesday?
Has it been hiding from me for forty years?
Was there some secret Contemporary Bathroom Society that agreed never to tell me about it?
To be fair...
It is on the conference level.
The weird floor.
The one where you always feel like you're accidentally wandering into someone else's business meeting.
I've spent my entire life taking one escalator up...
Immediately hopping onto the next escalator...
And completely ignoring this floor.
Meanwhile...
The Contemporary's best bathroom was sitting there the whole time.
Patiently waiting for someone to notice.
It is hidden in plain sight.
There aren't big restroom signs pointing you toward it.
Maybe the Cast Members are protecting it.
Honestly...
I'd keep this one a secret too.
When I accidentally found it...
It was empty.
Not Disney empty.
Empty, empty.
I had the whole place to myself.
No one walked in while I was taking notes.
No one was waiting for a stall.
It was glorious.
And it was spotless.
So clean you could probably eat off the floor.
Please don't.
That's a figure of speech.
The air conditioning deserves its own round of applause.
It worked.
Really worked.
In fact...
I was cold.
Me.
The woman who is perpetually warm.
I actually got chilly in a Disney bathroom.
I wasn't sure whether to wash my hands or ask for a blanket.
There is also a large companion restroom.
It's the only one I found at the Contemporary.
Oddly, it doesn't have a changing table, which seems like a strange choice.
But then...
I noticed something wonderful.
Someone actually tried.
The sinks have a sleek, futuristic design.
They're fun.
They're different.
They actually feel like they belong in the Contemporary.
Even the door handle has a clean, minimalist look.
The color choices?
Well...
Let's just say they weren't my favorite.
But I appreciated the effort.
Someone sat down and thought,
"Let's make this bathroom look different."
After visiting the other Contemporary bathrooms...
That effort meant a lot.
Final Verdict
This bathroom earns an A-.
Is it the best bathroom at the Contemporary?
Absolutely.
Is that an incredibly high bar?
...Not really.
But it's clean.
It's quiet.
The air conditioning actually works.
And someone sprinkled in a few futuristic details that remind you which resort you're visiting.
For those reasons...
This hidden little conference center bathroom is the champion of the Contemporary Bathroom Challenge.
Who knew the winner would be hiding one escalator ride away the whole time?
